The first few days after a change are always the hardest. August should be a busy month.

i posted that almost exactly a year ago. as soon as i read it i realized that i was in almost exactly the same place , for almost exactly the same reason.

its just so much harder now. i wish it could be different. wish i could give what was needed. wish i could get what i needed. wish, wish, wish. but that cant be. not now at least.
there is a part of me which hopes one day we will become the people we need each other to be.

time will tell.  ¶ 8/05/2008 07:04:00 PM 0 Comments

  The first few days after a change are always the hardest. August should be a busy month.  ¶ 8/03/2007 03:19:00 PM 0 Comments

  Bambai ko aya mera dost, dost ko salaam karo. Raat ko khao piyo , din ko aaram karo.
Welcome to the city brother.  ¶ 6/01/2007 05:02:00 AM 1 Comments

  No matter how grown up you feel there is nothing like hearing the words "as long as you are under my house its my rules" to make you feel like a kid again.  ¶ 5/24/2007 01:24:00 PM 0 Comments

  On Friday night I watched 'metro'. Its been an intense last two weeks. Life changing for me , and someone very close. An amazing person who did something very brave. I only hope I could be as strong. I go to merut in two weeks to be strong for my dad. I'll live my life the best I can. You can call me Monty if you want - but only after you watch 'metro'  ¶ 5/18/2007 07:10:00 PM 0 Comments

  Anger. Yoda had a great line on the fear anger hate suffering cycle. And of late I've been feeling it , with modification. Anger- fear - hate - denail. That's my cycle. And it tends to run its course in about 2 mins. It comes on like a rush of adrenalin stabbed directly into your chest, whips your head into a tornado of thought, and then vanishes like kaizer soze. I normally prefer to remain silent during those two mins - but its been getting harder to control. Hopefully I won't be turning green and wearing torn purple trowsers anytime soon.  ¶ 4/12/2007 05:50:00 AM 5 Comments

  Sleep has always been important to me. In fact its been essential. For years and years the one thing that always made me late or miss stuff happening has been sleep. And I wondered what makes me unable to sleep at night , while I can be zonked out all day. Well it would seem the latter stems from the former. But why can't I sleep at night? Ok there are tikme when I'm out doing the social things a person like me is likely to do. But what about those nights when I'm up doing nothing at all? I belive the answer is - ritual. Most everyone I know has some kinda pre bed ritual. Taking lenses out. Brushing teeth. Pajamas. Which changes your frame of mind to sleep mode. Which I lack. So now I ritualize. Super shower and peaceful pajamas. Has done me well so far.
On a side note - my pajamas are a bit risque - new pairs are required.  ¶ 4/05/2007 11:58:00 AM 3 Comments